A Collection of my Failures: A Comedy Blog

Seth: […] Now here’s the thing in Amsterdam I found which is, if two people are arguing, if one of them was American, everyone would side with the Dutch person. You would side with the worst Dutch person over the best American person. If there was like a 20 year old projectile vomiting— and Betty White, the Dutch guy would get the cab. […] So, I was desperate not to reveal that I was an American. So, I was speaking the only Dutch I knew which was “no”, which in Dutch is “nee”. So , the guy was like speaking to me in Dutch and I just started going “nee nee nee nee nee” and then he would make his next point and I would go “nee nee nee nee nee” and while I was doing this I crawled into the taxi where his girlfriend was already in the backseat. So, she was looking at me and she was talking to me and then I used another Dutch word I know because, the Dutch word for “out” is “uit”. So, that played right into my wheelhouse. So, to her I was going “uit uit uit uit” “nee nee nee nee” “uit”. And then finally they gave up ‘cause they were like, obviously we’re dealing with a simpleton who knows two words. And she got out and the guy got out and I was so proud of myself and I was so happy and, we were pulling the taxi down the street. And I should’ve just let it go but, I rolled down the window and I leaned out and I yelled: I claimed this taxi for America. (x)